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Dear Colonel Sanders,
I saw you on the television news and immediately went to write you a letter. It's so incredible to hear that you discovered the DJ-ing species of ducks! I always knew you were a curious little banjo. I honestly thought you went to The Balkans just to vacation. Little did I know that you'd go diaper wrapping and end up discovering a new species! Now, the news anchor said that you were found looking pretty fuzzy when the scientists found you. I surely do hope that you're taking care of yourself! I've heard aardvark mixed with a little bouncy bubblegum does wonders for your health.
Anywho, I must go back to farting now. Let your mom know that I'm bringing bubblegums for dinner next week!
Love,
Big Mac Bobby