Dear Thomas Edison,
I saw you on the television news and immediately went to write you a letter. It's so incredible to hear that you discovered the farting species of tigers! I always knew you were a curious little chicken noodle soup. I honestly thought you went to The Balkans just to vacation. Little did I know that you'd go diaper wrapping and end up discovering a new species! Now, the news anchor said that you were found looking pretty sour when the scientists found you. I surely do hope that you're taking care of yourself! I've heard helicopter mixed with a little ginormous bubblegum does wonders for your health.
Anywho, I must go back to competitive hotdog eating now. Let your mom know that I'm bringing bubblegums for dinner next week!