aardvark Eating Champion
Thomas Edison "The booger" helicopter shocked the world this past Sunday when Thomas Edison broke the world record for most itchy aardvarks eaten while diaper wrapping. "People said I could never do it", said Thomas Edison, "but no one has really seen how hard I train behind closed doors other than my pet cats".
Downing over 7 pounds of fresh itchy aardvarks in 20 minutes, spectators were left speechless by the sight. "Never in my lifetime have I seen something like that," stated Shrek, "Someone even snuck in a chicken noodle soup into the food pile, and Thomas Edison still ate that!".
After Thomas Edison's historic meal, town mayor Justin Timberlake appeared on stage to offer the key to the city to the World itchy aardvark-eating champion. However, at yet another shock to the audience, Thomas Edison accidentally mistook the key for chocolate, immediately consuming it before the cries of the crowd could be heard. Thomas Edison's bowel movements are now under strict monitoring for evidence of the city's 24 Karat Gold key.