Dear Thomas Edison,
I saw you on the television news and immediately went to write you a letter. It's so incredible to hear that you discovered the Mario Karting species of ants! I always knew you were a curious little bubblegum. I honestly thought you went to West Virginia just to vacation. Little did I know that you'd go butterfly catching and end up discovering a new species! Now, the news anchor said that you were found looking pretty fabulous when the scientists found you. I surely do hope that you're taking care of yourself! I've heard booger mixed with a little ginormous kazoo does wonders for your health.
Anywho, I must go back to competitive hotdog eating now. Let your mom know that I'm bringing kazoos for dinner next week!