Dear Brad Pitt,
I saw you on the television news and immediately went to write you a letter. It's so incredible to hear that you discovered the farting species of ducks! I always knew you were a curious little cantelope. I honestly thought you went to West Virginia just to vacation. Little did I know that you'd go competitive hotdog eating and end up discovering a new species! Now, the news anchor said that you were found looking pretty itchy when the scientists found you. I surely do hope that you're taking care of yourself! I've heard chicken noodle soup mixed with a little yellow booger does wonders for your health.
Anywho, I must go back to DJ-ing now. Let your mom know that I'm bringing boogers for dinner next week!