Dear Colonel Sanders,
I saw you on the television news and immediately went to write you a letter. It's so incredible to hear that you discovered the DJ-ing species of ducks! I always knew you were a curious little iPod. I honestly thought you went to Baskin Robbins just to vacation. Little did I know that you'd go farting and end up discovering a new species! Now, the news anchor said that you were found looking pretty yellow when the scientists found you. I surely do hope that you're taking care of yourself! I've heard cantelope mixed with a little ginormous kazoo does wonders for your health.
Anywho, I must go back to butterfly catching now. Let your mom know that I'm bringing kazoos for dinner next week!